Depression (06/21/18)

I have a history of depression. I understand it. I have lain in bed craving the peace on the other side, choosing not to act only because I knew the pain it would cause would be greater than the pain I wanted to escape. I know the triggers and I know the coping mechanisms. I know the loneliness, the exhaustion, the fear, and the apathy.
My medication is God. Staring out of my window, paralyzed from the heart out, all I can say is "I need you. Help me, please. I need you". I don't get a sudden rush of energy. I don't instantly start to care. What I feel is just a tiny hint of peace. A whisper of assurance that things will get better, that the ache is not eternal.
Knowing God is not something that can be described, only experienced. I cannot express in words the joy and relief of taking my worries and giving them to an omnipotent creator who loves me more than I can ever fathom. All I can do is try to demonstrate His love in the hopes that it point people to the source.
If you struggle with depression, please feel free to reach out to me. Send me a text or private message. I know what you're going through. I know you probably just want to be alone, but you're also miserable. Maybe I could sit with you and not talk. Maybe you could vent about something. Whatever. Just don't stop fighting. Keep chasing hope. It's out there.

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