Let's talk about Trusting God

In 2014, I was working full time as a security guard in Downtown Los Angeles, making fairly decent money and was debt free. By the middle of 2015, I was driving for Uber while trying to break into the film industry, and had racked up about $45,000 of debt. So began my 10 year journey of learning to trust God; a journey I may not see the end of in this life. In writing this, I hope to encourage others going through hard times, and share some things I have learned along the way.

Trusting God's Provision

As a freelancer, I am constantly faced with the uncertainty of when or where my next job will come from. I was never good at networking, and almost every job I got was because someone called me for another gig, or had gotten my name from someone else. Many of these gigs are fairly last minute, and I cannot count the number of times I had a bill coming up that I didn't have the money for, and then got a call just in time. I was constantly worrying about money, but every time I prayed about it, God's response was the same: "Trust me." It was infuriating at times, because I felt like I needed to do something, and all I was getting was, "trust me."

"God, I do trust you, but what do I do?"

"Trust me."

Psalm 46:10 says "Be still and know that I am God" If you are worrying about something right now, I want you to pause for a minute and just let that sink in.

"Be still..." (be at peace)

"And know..." (be reassured)

"That I am God" (He is in control)

I eventually had to accept that God just wanted me to trust Him to provide, and He never failed...

...until He did.

I had several credit cards that I had maxed out buying camera gear in the hopes that it would get me more work, and about half of my monthly income was going to interest on my minimum payments. I was constantly stressing about getting enough money for the next bill, the next month's rent, the next insurance payment. Then one day, I had a credit card payment due and simply didn't have the money. On top of that, I was late on the rent for my one bedroom.

To be honest, I was mad.

"God, you said to trust you to provide, and now I don't have the money to cover my bills. What gives?"

"Trust me"

The next day, I woke up and went outside for a walk. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and there was a distinct lack of bill collectors chasing me down. I was experiencing that which I had feared for so long, and it wasn't the end of the world. God was teaching me to trust Him to provide what I needed, not what I wanted.

As for rent, my landlady was extremely understanding of my situation and told me to simply pay her when I had the money. At one point, I was six months behind on rent before I got enough work to catch up. Viv, if you're reading this, I will never forget your patience and kindness during those times. Thank you!

Trusting God's Love

As I was learning to trust God to provide, I often times questioned whether or not I was simply dealing with the repercussions of my own bad choices. I didn't think God was punishing me, but I wondered if He was simply allowing me to experience the consequences. His response to this was, again, "trust me."

It was during this time that I realized something about worrying. When we worry, we are either doubting God's Love, or His Power. I knew that God had the power to help me, but I wasn't sure if He loved me enough to. I didn't know if He was going to pull me out of the hole I had dug myself into.

As time went on and God continued to provide, I slowly realized that He was able and willing to help me through the hard times, even if I had put myself there.

"Trust me."

There are so many verses that talk about trusting God and not worrying. Matthew 6:26 says, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" and verse 6 says, "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

God wanted me to learn to trust, not only in His ability, but in His love.

Trusting God's Wisdom

Something I've asked God many times now is, "I know you love me, so why can't I just win the lottery and be done with financial problems for the rest of my life?" I think you might be able to guess what His response was.

In learning to trust God, I also had to learn... I mean, I am also still learning to trust God's timing. Hardly anything happens when I want it to, either because God is still teaching me something, or because I'm not ready yet, or simply because it's not what's best for me. Sometimes the answer is not yet, and sometimes it's just no.

Trusting God is not just about feeling secure in His power and love, but also in His wisdom.

Speaking of Wisdom, just to go on a side tangent, one of my favorite verses is James 1:5 that says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him." 

I love asking God for Wisdom because I don't have to wonder if He'll give it to me. It says right there that He will, "liberally and without reproach."  Proverbs 16:16 talks about the value of Wisdom, saying "How much better to get wisdom than gold! And to get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver."

So wisdom is more valuable than gold, and God gives it freely to anyone who asks. Sounds like a good investment to me.

If you are worrying about something, not sure how to respond to a situation, dreading a conversation with someone, faced with a difficult decision, etc... Ask God for Wisdom.

Trusting God.

The last thing I want to talk about is a pill I am still trying to swallow. There is a huge difference between trusting that God will do something and simply trusting God.

Trusting that God will do something is making the assumption that I know what is best and believing that God will do it. Simply trusting God requires that I relinquish my limited understanding of the situation and trust that God's plan is best, whatever that plan may be.

"But what if I don't like God's plan?"

"Trust me"

Imagine going to see a movie by a director that you're a huge fan of. They just never miss. You don't even care what the movie is about, you just know it'll be good because of the director. Now, three quarters into the movie, you realize that the quirky but lovable guy might get his heart broken at the end. Do you trust that the director won't let that happen because you don't want it to, or do you trust that the director will handle the situation in a way that makes a good story at the end? How much more should we trust the Creator of the Universe to know the best possible outcome in our lives?

Here's the catch though: It's really hard to trust someone you don't know. Trust comes from experience and relationship, not mere knowledge. Convincing ourselves mentally that God loves us pales in comparison to experiencing God on such a personal level that we can truly feel safe in His arms. I can tell you all day how awesome my friend is and how much you can trust him, but until you get to know him for yourself, you aren't going to trust him with your house keys.

Spend time with the Father and really get to know Him. I promise you will find Him to be completely deserving of your trust.

"Don't live it twice" is a motto that came to mind many years ago and has stayed with me ever since. God showed me that by worrying about something, I was essentially experiencing the negative scenario in my mind, whether it actually came to pass or not. Worrying is neither healthy or productive.

One last verse I will end on is Proverbs 3:5, 6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

Trust God, not worrying about the situation. Invite Him into every aspect of your life, ask for Wisdom, and He will guide you.

Don't live it twice.

Peace